High School: not only the most important four years to get you through the rest of your life, but also the weirdest and craziest years that are sure to create unforgettable memories. The trick of making it through high school is to not treat it like high school, but a dangerous jungle with any form of a surprise around every corner. Truthfully, being seniors and all, we are basically the Bear Grylls of this wilderness called BHS. So, as an ever-lasting gift to you that you can never repay us for, here are our prime tips on how to survive the years spent at BHS.

Ken:

Tip #1: Staying hydrated is key. Navigating through this harsh environment is a very demanding activity. You may think that walking around the hallways is as easy as writing out your ABCs, but really it’s more like trying to explain the material in a Calculus textbook to a toddler as they stare back at you with those innocent eyes, like the clueless fools that they are. A good way to gather water is to scavenge by the water fountains.

Tip #2: After you find a valid source of water, your next course of action should be finding shelter. The hallways can easily be taken for as a metaphor for a fart joke, and for every funky place like that, there’s always something dangerous waiting around the corner. Along with your shelter, a heat source is also vital. The vents do a great job of that during winter time. Just don’t start a fire within the school…at least don’t put the blame on the journalism staff if you choose to do so.

Tip #3: Another way of keeping yourself sane through this wibbly-wobbly lifestyle is to keep your diet in check. A good start would be to consume as much protein as possible, and if there’s anything that I learned from watching Man vs. Wild, it’s doing just that. I don’t know how it works, but Bear Grylls ate a beetle larva to get protein, so it’s got to do some good. I’m not saying everyone should eat beetle larvae, but I’m not saying it’s a bad thing either. At the very least it has more flavor than those fat free Doritos that they have in the vending machine.

Tip #4: After spending 1000+ hours watching and replaying episodes of Man vs. Wild while going through bags of Doritos while whispering to myself that I will someday find a nice lady that would love me for who I am, I’m pretty sure that I have earned the right to call myself a survival expert. Having said that, there are vicious animals that roam the hallways. Best course of action is to watch your back and not bring food around if you want to live.

Tip #5: Living through 90% of high school has basically made me a veteran in terms of survival. The only thing that kept me afloat was knowledge. By knowledge, I meant me being pretentious about people, with the additional thought of the Meow Mix song looping in my brain. I’d say the best way to survive high school is to not let everything get to your head. Also, cute puppy videos will help keep your noggin intact.

Abbie:

Tip #1: Personal Hygiene. Showering and applying deodorant are the main sources to keep fresh and feeling good during the day. No one likes to embarrass themselves in front of their crush by smelling weird, so lather yourself up with some nice-smelling deodorant and shampoo and you’re ready to walk in confidently!

Tip #2: Along with smelling good, nutrition is important for everyone so they can live a healthier lifestyle. Fruits and veggies are great, but don’t be afraid to bring your favorite lava cake or microwavable meal to the cafe, all is welcome as long as it is reasonably packed into your lunch pail. Eat a muffin, or cheesecake, or celery (all which are my favorite foods and would definitely not mind if you brought some to my lunch) and enjoy it! Don’t be afraid of judgement of what you eat either, so embrace it; you’re hungry, don’t starve to impress.

Tip #3: A perfect tip after nutrition would be how you act in the cafe, or lunch room etiquette. Please, don’t scream in the lunch room. We are all just trying to enjoy the lovely burger or fries or, if you are more a healthy person, a scrumptious salad. People do not want to hear about your conversation when it’s being screamed in their ear. Also, be nice and leave things in the microwave if they aren’t yours. That is someone else’s food, and you can kindly wait for them to get it instead of skewing with it by throwing it out of the microwave. We do have quite a long lunch. All in all, be kind, the lunchroom should be treated like a classroom, in that the classroom rules are expected to be followed with respect in the lunchroom. Other than that, just enjoy your meals with ease.

Tip #4: Once you’re out and about, you face a new danger: the halls. The key to walk in the hallways properly is to walk at a brisk pace. But not too much of a brisk pace, this is not NASCAR race down the hallway, or a speed walking heat in a track meet. You also don’t want to walk too slow; you’ll probably get nudged or get some mad looks from people trying to scoot around you. Just walk at a normal pace, and don’t cut people off by suddenly changing direction or stopping altogether, you could spill a coffee or worse, break a nail.

Tip #5: High School is time for you to do what you want. Truthfully, these four years are what you make of it. Don’t let others control your life (I mean, unless they are your parents, teachers or elders). This is your time to create memories that you can share with future generations and carry with you for the rest of your life. You only have these four years with your class until this ending, becomes a new beginning.