Barely Publishable Episode III: The Big Finale

Alternate Title for Star Wars Fans: Revenge of the Roosevelt

Jacob Bilsky, Staff Writer

Greetings loyal readers. Welcome to the final installment of Barely Publishable for the foreseeable future. Thank you for your readership, and as promised I bring you something a little bit edgy: how to make the clocks work again.

As many of you know, I am the new Vice President of the BHS Student Council, and co-founder of the BHS Bull Moose Party (no relation to Bull Moose Music or any other Bull Moose companies). While analyzing the issues that matter most to students, the party realized two things: the clocks don’t work and the locks don’t work. To avoid any confusion, I don’t mean lox as in the delicious smoked salmon which tops a bagel with cream cheese. I mean the things that keep people from walking in on you taking a drek*.

Now, you’d think that we could have working clocks (things that were invented in the 14th century) in our school; however, the reality of BHS is that we suffer from disks that twitch like a shark’s heart two hours after it died, if they move at all.

  1. As a leader in the student government I offer a solution, call it my one-year plan for BHS:First we need to investigate the problem. Why don’t the clocks function and how can they be fixed? At this point we will assess which classrooms need clocks the most and work with administration to figure out the best solution.
  2. The next step is to raise capital. We had plenty to go around when I was a freshman, but now the coffers for renovation are just about empty. The party plans to petition the school board, and (if a way can be found) hold fundraisers to fix clocks.
  3. Finally we use our understanding of the school and the funds we raised to fix or replace those clocks, possibly creating a new system that avoids the pitfalls of what is currently in place.

This process takes time, but if the student body is committed, we can bring progressive change to this school’s infrastructure. It is the same for fixing locks, although the locks will be cheap and easy (I will restrain myself from making a joke here). You may say it can’t be done, but remember the renovations which took place? I’ve talked with alumni about the process, and they say it got done because students and the community vocalized and mobilized, coming together to bring change. Clocks and locks may seem like minor things to rally behind, but in a time when student interest in improving the school seems to be stagnating, it is something.

This has been Barely Publishable’s final episode. Writing this column has been fun, especially because of you the readers. Despite this, I think it’s time I take a long holiday, one I don’t expect to come back from… for at least three months. Enjoy your summers and let’s make the clocks work again.

*I think you can figure this word out for yourself.