Fresh Face: Bolegner Air Humidifier

Michael Tenney, Staff Writer

Growing up, I’ve always known I’m invincible. No one told me. I just knew. It’s not a difficult concept to grasp for the human brain. I’m perfect, most people aren’t. In fact, I have yet to find someone that is as perfect as I am. It’s hard living like this sometimes.

Anyway, the topic of this column focuses moreso on the “fresh” side of my life. Well, what I would hope is fresh. I found my Hercules Ankle or whatever his name is. Achilles? I’m not sure. I never claimed that I’m a Greek Mythology expert even if I did read The Lightning Thief in fifth grade. I’m just a gal pal ready to put on my chapstick just like everyone else.

The product I’m reviewing is the Bolegner Air Humidifier. This thing is terrible. I almost reviewed another skin product, or another beauty product. However, when I came up with ideas and things that impacted me in such a negative way, this came to mind. I haven’t found something this terrible since I found a hate comment on some blog I ran as a 12-year-old. The hate comment didn’t impact me emotionally, because boring people can’t hurt me. I’m invincible. Or, so I thought before this humidifier.

It started off with me complaining about getting sick in the winter. I kept telling my mom (who I love so much) that the air felt gross and dry. She so kindly bought this air humidifier for me thinking it would help, and I’d wake up feeling like the goddess I look like. I didn’t feel that way.

The first night I used it my throat felt scratchy. It was dried up like a prune in a desert. I tried to blame it on something else, because my nose finally started to unclog from all the gross nose problems I so graciously battle during the winter. However, that wasn’t the case.

The second night I used it, I woke up in a far more terrible state than the previous night. I sulked like a supermodel getting told she’s too beautiful for a part, “why can’t I be just like everyone else!” I didn’t scream this out loud, I said it in my head. My throat felt so much worse, my nose clogged up again, and I felt a little lightheaded.  It felt traumatic.

The only good thing about this product is everything else. It’s quite easy to use, just fill it up with water and turn it on. There isn’t anything to it, Donald Trump probably wouldn’t even have to Google it. I know my Trump jabs are getting old. I’m bitter. What can I say?

I think this machine could work for someone that doesn’t mind a dry throat. If you like that feeling this is totally for you. In all honestly, I think I’m just allergic to humidifiers or something. It’s a curse.