What are some of the things one could do in order to make their vacation a lot better? Can’t figure it out? Then here are some tips as to how you can do just that, sheep.

Tip #1 Audrey: First things first, finish an entire series on Netflix. Not just a season, a series. Netflix is life, if you disagree you are wrong.

Kenneth’s Response: They have Pokémon on Netflix. Do I have to say more? Join us, brethren.

Tip #2 Audrey: Make sure to waste your entire day in bed. A good example would be to stay in bed until the sun goes down, which is then an acceptable time to make plans and be social. Only leave your bedroom for bathroom breaks and food.

Kenneth’s Response: By doing this, you will miss out on the wonders of socializing with other people…Ha, socializing. What a joke.

Tip #3 Audrey: Put off all of your homework until 11 o’clock the night before you return to school. If that doesn’t work and you just end up staring at it for an hour or so, go to sleep, and do it the next morning in first block.

Kenneth’s Response: First block? Weak. I triple dare all of you to do your homework between classes, and during bathroom breaks.

Tip #4 Audrey: Since it is now the time for “spring cleaning” that might be a good idea, unless you’re lazy. So you should probably just forget about cleaning all together and let the clothes pile up on your floor.

Kenneth’s Response:  Hygiene is for losers. Be one with nature by leaving whatever you have in its natural state, and feel the harmony between you and that rotting slice of pizza in the corner of your room.

Tip #5 Audrey: While all of your friends are out having fun on tropical islands and you’re stuck in Biddeford, Maine, make the best of it and photoshop yourself into some of their vacation pictures. Nobody will ever know you didn’t go on vacation. Don’t forget to get some self tanner and lather that on to prove that you had a great vacation.

Kenneth’s Response: Warning–Side effects may include disappointing your parents, not being taken seriously by your peers, and a hernia.

Tip #6 Kenneth: What’s a better way to spend your vacation than meeting new people. For a guy like me, finding a lady is always on top of my list. Sadly, finding one is probably the best that I could do, as stalking them on Facebook is a lot more convenient than talking to them.

Audrey’s Response: Why go out and meet new people when you can just hang out with your pets all day? Making new friends is about as overrated as it gets.

Tip #7 Kenneth: Try working out. Commit to increasing a mile for each day that you run. Now that I’ve said that, is this something that I’m doing, though? Doubt it, but have fun wheezing for oxygen and regretting all your life decisions for every 10 feet that you cover.

Audrey’s Response: Or instead of working out just eat out every night. Maybe just searching pictures of people in shape or finding workout plans is a better idea. Don’t actually do the workouts of course, at least put on some sneakers, take a picture, and post it on social media with a caption saying “getting fit” and everyone will admire how proactive you are about your health.

Tip #8 Kenneth: Get ahead with your class, and study throughout vacation…Yes, this is a joke.

Audrey’s Response: That actually doesn’t sound like a bad idea… well it is a terrible idea for me of course but for you over-achievers out there, there’s nothing better than homework on a Saturday right?

Tip #9 Kenneth: It’s a beautiful sunny day, the birds are out chirping, and there’s a gentle breeze in the air. Go outside and get some fresh air. If you’re like me, and live particularly in the downtown area, this is actually more of a challenge because of all the dog poop on the sidewalk. By the time you realize it, you’ve been playing a dangerous game of Russian Roulette, but with dog feces. At this point, your relaxing walk has now turned into a mission of keeping your shoes from smelling like poop. Good luck with your journey, warrior.

Audrey’s Response: Ew. I’m disgusted, you should probably stay inside.

Tip #10 Kenneth: Try doing new stuff, like playing a new instrument, a different sport, or writing a mind-blowing column about Valentine’s Day that is definitely not packed with 8th grade humour, and jokes that you picked up from four-year-olds.

Audrey’s Response: Why would you try something new when you can stick to your same old routine? It’s better to be boring than risk injury or rejection.

That is all for our tips on this edition. If you wish to get more tips on how you can improve your vacation, feel free to listen to your parents’ endless nagging about the lifestyle that you’re living in as you lie on your bed, and finish your 4th family-sized bag of Doritos for the day.